Stop the cringe!

A rant inspired by LinkedIn...

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Here are some things that I am not going to do or be in 2024.

I am not going to be a thought leader. I don’t even know what that is. I have thoughts, occasionally share them, and if there is something of value in them for you, feel free to run away with them and use them as you see fit. But surely I am not defining myself as a leader just because I think every now and then…

I am also not going to bring my whole authentic self to work. Trust me, nobody wants that. My authentic self is an over-energetic, ironic, and blunt person with a questionable sense of humor. Nobody really wants to deal with my whole authentic self. Instead, I will bring my professional self to work, which contains those parts of my personality that have been carefully selected to be manageable for most audiences.

I definitely am not going to give it my all. On the average I start work at 7:30am and power through the day until about 5pm, after which I am done and need time for the rest of my life. If the work really needs it I will work a few evenings and maybe sometimes even during the weekends, quite simply because the company is also nice enough to let me come in a bit later or run an errand or two during the day if my life needs it. But the only people who will get it all are my wife and daughter and they really don't expect me to (most of the time).

I will do my best not to share any learnings. That’s just not a word; we have a perfectly fine noun to describe something you learned: Lesson. I will continue to learn and then share whatever lessons I learned. Feel free to do with those whatever you want.

In the same vein I will not respond to any asks. What is up with the sudden popularity of that word in the first place? You can't just nounify random verbs! It's question! Question! Yes, I know that if I drove somewhere I have taken a drive and if I lifted something and it was very heavy, it was a big lift. But if the weather is nice we don't say it is clement and neither do we call an intern who works remotely an extern. English is weird that way, deal with it. 

In 2024 I will not be a leader who shows up. I will assess every situation, ascertain what it needs, and then try and do that. If the situation needs me to take initiative I will do that, if it needs me to follow and execute someone else’s plan, I will do that. Not every situation needs everyone to unleash their inner leader. Actually, we could do with a bit more competent following if you ask me.

I am definitely not going to work hard and play hard. What sort of infantilizing jargon is that anyway? I will work hard because given the size of my W2 that is definitely something my employer can expect of me. And then outside of that I will do whatever the hell I please thank you very much. If that means hanging in front of the TV for a weekend to binge “The Good Place” for the fifth time while growing a beard, I will definitely do that and it is none of anyone's business.

I will also not engage in a lot of strategic thinking. Strategy is for amateurs, professionals concern themselves with logistics. I wish all of the strategy meetings I was in were about actually getting things done. Mutatis mutandis I dream of a world where all the strategy documents that I read were tangible roadmaps and plans.

I will definitely not lean into my superpowers. Sure there are some things that I do better than others, and maybe even a few where I do better than the average human being. But calling them a superpower is an exaggeration that is typical of our superlative ridden culture. “OMG you showed up on time for the meeting, that is a-m-a-z-i-n-g. Punctuality is your superpower!” No it’s not, you’re just a normal human being with a grasp of their calendar and the ability to tell the time.

I am probably also not going to reach my full potential. Or care about that. I am not perfect and will continue to work on the things that I think need improvement. But if I need potential I will go sit on a mountain or put my fingers in the wall socket.

Another thing that won't happen in 2024 is taking my career to the next level. I am quite happy where I am and doing things that match my skills and interests. How about instead of constantly wanting a new job we all focus on doing our current job better?

I am definitely not going to practice self-care. Well, I probably will, but who came up with that term? It is symptomatic for a world where every little thing needs a lofty description to sound weightier and more important. I used to just go get a coffee to take my mind off work for a minute, but now I am apparently engaging in an important self-care ritual.

Another thing I will not do in 2024 is speak my own truth. First of all, not every thought that comes up in the head needs to leave through the mouth. I have opinions and if those pertain to the situation at hand and might help us all forward, I might utter them. If I am wrong, please tell me, preferably with data and argumentation, and I will change my mind. I definitely will not look at you and say (in an annoying voice): "Well, that is your truth", as if each of us lives in a universe of our own with its own laws of physics.

I am not going to do the work or liberally apply diagnoses about complex mental health pathologies because I am not a medical professional. Neither will I do my own research, because I happen to know what the word “research” means and I don’t have the time. Instead, I will try to inform myself to the best of my ability by reading credible sources and talking and listening to actual experts. 

I will not call a powerful female manager a "boss babe", "she-e-o", or a "girl boss". What the actual fuck? Did we call Bill Gates or Mark Zuckerberg "boy bosses"? No? Let's give some respect to everyone please.

When something bad happens to people I will not tell them that everything happens for a reason because that is clearly stupid bullshit. Sometimes things happen for a reason and sometimes you just have bad luck or get dealt a shitty hand. Neither will I tell you that happiness is a choice. Bad things happen and if they do then it’s totally fine to feel bad as you work through it all. If you need my help, I will gladly give it and if there is nothing practical that can be done but you just need someone to commiserate I will do that too. But I will not sit with you and hold space for your emotions because being a normal empathetic human being does not need phrases borrowed from too much therapy.

I will also not celebrate my incredible journey, strive to ignite productivity and joy for a world-class team, give back, chart a path that resonates with my inner self, explore a transformative journey, ask for help as an act of service, turn my weakness into my main strength, or embrace surprises and see them as new adventures.

With that out of the way, happy MMXXIV everyone and if you see or hear me break any of the resolutions outlined above, please mail me.